A letter to my ex

It’s been awhile. Almost 3 months, actually. I hope you’re doing well. I wish I could say that everything over here is fine, that it’s been fine, that it will be fine. I could say that, and I could mean it. But fine is a relative term. I’ve been the saddest I’ve been but I’ve also been the happiest I’ve been. Life is hard, it always is. I miss doing life with you.

I saw you today. You didn’t see me, I was with my friend driving in the car. You were walking across the street with a girl. I wondered who she was, I wondered if she had spent her nights with you in your bed like I had countless times before. I wondered if she was friends with your friends, if they liked her as much as they liked me. I tried to belittle her, I tried to make myself feel like I was somehow above her and better than her. I don’t even know her. I hope she makes you as happy as you made me.

Part of me wants to be mad at you. I’m still not ready for someone else and I hate that you were ready so fast. I don’t get the feeling that I had with you with anyone else. And I want to yell at myself for still thinking about you as much as I do. I always wonder what it would be like if things turned out differently and if we were still together. I loved you. I still would today. I fell so fast and so hard it came out of nowhere. I wish I had told you. But now it’s too late. I’m never going to get those moments back, the moments we shared together. I miss how you would always pull me closer to you while we were laying in bed. It was like an instinct for you. You would text me and tell me you miss me. You would do anything for me, and I would do anything for you. Honestly, I probably still would do anything for you. I guess it just wasn’t meant to be. I’ll move on, and this will all be in the past, the distance growing larger and larger until it feels like nothing.

Maybe in another life things would have worked out. But I’m done wishing and waiting. See ya.

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