Girls know things. We know a lot of things. But sometimes, we don’t know the most important thing. Ourselves. In today’s world it’s so hard to know yourself. I can relate to this too well. I get too lost in other unimportant parts of my life. I became too fixated with how my hair looks, making sure my eyebrows stayed tamed, and how I looked whenever I went out to a party. I’m sick of it. I just want to say “fuck you” to the world. I’m done.
Can I just say one thing? You probably already know what’s coming, it’s so obvious, I know. But boys suck. With my ex-boyfriend, I was so confident in myself, so confident in our relationship, that I didn’t sweat the small stuff that I do now. When we broke up, I suddenly became so aware of all of my flaws. I no longer had someone who was always by my side, through thick and thin. And I tried to find that again, but the thing is I didn’t want it with someone else. I still just wanted it with my ex. Hate to say it but I still do.
When I broke up with him, I thought I was going to be fine. In all honesty, our breakup had been a long time coming. There were so many flaws that our relationship felt like a burden to me. Girls, no matter who you are or how you view yourself, you deserve someone who will build you up, not destroy you. Someone who makes you a better person. Someone who loves you unconditionally. I didn’t have that. That’s why I wanted out. Still, it hurts. I wasn’t expecting it to hurt that much. I had a broken heart, still do. It’s slowly repairing itself, and every smile and every laugh I have with my friends is mending the cracks that my ex left. It’s important to find things in life that make you happy. For me, it’s my friends. Most importantly, my best friend. Sometimes I think she knows me better than I know myself. Anywho, the point is, find something that makes you happy. I find happiness in our adventures, whether it’s finding a new spot to Eno or going to get fast food at an ungodly hour, it makes me feel better. It makes me forget why I was sad in the first place. But then, I’m alone and it’s a dark and rainy night and I remember why all over again, and the pain feels just the same as it was at the beginning. I remember why I always search for his name whenever I look at who watched my snap story, I remember why I’m never surprised to see that he didn’t like my Instagram post, and I hate the fact that I even take social media into account when it’s destroying our society as we know it.
When I think about him, it motivates me. It makes me want to get better. It makes me want to achieve my goals, to show him that I don’t need him and that he’ll never get me back. He lost his chance. And I want him to pay for it. So beware. I hope he regrets losing me. And I hope he knows for the future, beware of a woman with a broken heart. Because that woman is capable of anything.